


I Thought of You

by zaan



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Making things right
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-20
Updated: 2019-05-20
Packaged: 2020-03-08 15:59:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18897925
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zaan/pseuds/zaan
Summary: Julian must deal with the actions of the Changeling that replaced him





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [I Thought I Was Only Dreaming You](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14934914) by [flowersforgraves](https://archiveofourown.org/users/flowersforgraves/pseuds/flowersforgraves). 



> This work is based on the beautiful but heart breaking short fic I Thought I Was Only Dreaming Of You. You should read that fic before you read this one or not everything will make senset

Garak is in his shop, trying and failing once again to start work on the wedding gown that has been commissioned. He tries, but every time he picks it up he thinks of the last time he worked on a wedding gown and of Julian - no, not _Julian_ \- and his hands begin to tremble. He closes his eyes. He can't do this now. The wedding is next week, and if he doesn't start now it won't be done in time. He has never not finished a commission on time; his business depends on this reputation. He locks his thoughts away and picks up the dress.

He has managed a creditable start when the door chime indicates a customer, but when he looks up it's not a customer he finds but a smiling Julian Bashir, just like when - he shuts the door on that memory. "Good morning, Doctor. What can I do for you?" he asks.

Julian grins and comes right up to the table, much closer than he normally comes, so close that Garak can smell the faint scent of his aftershave. "Have you forgotten our appointment, Mr. Garak?" he chides.

Garak grips the dress tightly as the deja vu slides cold fingers down his back. He forces himself to loosen his hands. He can't afford to wreck the dress, and it's fine, it's just a coincidence, an illusion. "Computer, time?' he says, his voice a little unsteady.

"The time is 13:10 hours."

Garak relaxes. He was right, of course. He has forgotten lunch. It's not a flashback, he's not caught in some bizarre time loop. "I'm sorry, doctor. I lost track of the time. Shall we go?"

But instead of leaving, Julian slides around the table towards him, eyes intent. "In a minute," he says, and he reaches out to pull Garak into a kiss. Garak opens his mouth without thinking, passively accepting rather than returning the kiss, his head spinning in disbelief and the beginnings of panic.

Julian steps back, his eyes full of heated desire, the same eyes Garak remembers from that day, from the dreams that have haunted him since. "I've been wanting to do that for a long time," says Julian, voice husky and demanding. "You've wanted it too, haven't you?"

It's not a dream, and he can't wake up. But it must be a dream, mustn't it?

"Garak?"

"Isn’t this a bit public?" he finds himself saying, as he says in his dreams and his memories. It's his line after all. It's how this goes.

Except it doesn't and he's wrong. Julian's eyes fill with concern and he backs off. "Of course. I'm sorry."

Garak wants to laugh or cry or both. This is Julian, his Julian, this is what he's always wanted. But it's too late. The other Julian has taken this moment from them.

Garak steps back and folds the gown before placing it on the table. "Shall we go to lunch then?" he asks, making his voice casual.

Confusion swims in Julian's eyes, but he nods.

They leave, Garak locking the door behind him.


	2. Chapter 2

"Doctor, if I may have a word?"

Julian looks up from his desk to find the Changeling standing awkwardly in the door way of his office. "Of course, Odo, come in."

The door swishes shut behind him. "Thank you, doctor. There is ... something I wished to talk about it."

He looks so uncomfortable Julian asks, "Is it a medical problem?"

"No, doctor. It's personal. It's about Garak."

Julian tenses. "What about him?"

"I ... saw the two of you yesterday. In his shop, on the security footage."

Julian bolts upright in his chair, embarrassment and outrage flushing his cheeks red. "Odo! You have no right to -"

Odo holds up a hand. "The Promenade is a public space, doctor - so are the shops."

Julian glares. "Surely there's nothing criminal about our behaviour yesterday."

"No, doctor. Of course not." Odo hesitates, then holds out a data rod. "You should look at this. It was taken about a month ago, when you were still in the Interment Camp. Garak ... wouldn't let me press charges."

Julian reaches quickly for the rod, concern rising in him. "What are you talking about?" he demands.

"Just ... watch it, doctor."

Odo nods, then leaves.

Julian looks down at the rod in his hand. He needs to know what's on it, but at the same time, he very much fears he doesn't want to know.


	3. Chapter 3

Garak is just clearing away the dishes from his dinner when the door chimes.

When he opens the door, Julian storms into the room. His face and eyes, his whole body, is awash in a mixture of rage and hurt. He knows, then. Garak is sorry for it, sorry to lose the friendship as well as the possibility of something more he had already lost.

Julian is staring at him, obviously wanting to speak but at a loss of words. Garak decides to speak first. The sooner this is over the better.

"I'm sorry, doctor."

Julian is incredulous. "You're sorry?!"

Garak casts his eyes down. "I should have known it wasn't you. I should have alerted the senior staff, come to look for you, not left you rotting in that place when -"

Julian's hands grip his shoulders, giving them a fierce shake. Julian's eyes are so intense Garak can't look at him. "Garak, I don't care about that. What I care about is you and what that - that thing - did to you."

"It's ..." He was going to say it's nothing, but somehow he can't. He'd thought he was over it but now, with Julian there in front of him, his voice ragged with concern, he feels it all come over him again. He feels himself start to tremble and screws his eyes shut. He hears Julian curse and then suddenly Julian's arms are around him and he is being pulled tightly into him, burying his face in Julian's neck. He doesn't want to be weak, but he can't stop shaking. Julian is pouring comfort into him in soft murmurs and a firm grip on his back and fingers tangling in his hair.

They stay like this a long while.

When Julian pulls back, it's not far, just far enough to cup his hands around Garak's cheeks and press their foreheads together. He peppers him with gentle, soft kisses. "It's all right," he says for the hundredth time. "It's all right."

Even now, the memories are drifting into the distance, replaced by the feeling of Julian's soft touch and Julian's caring eyes.

"It's all right," Julian whispers.

And it is.

**Author's Note:**

> Wanted to write this mostly as a fixit fic for myself. I wasn't sure whether to end it here or in a fourth chapter with Garak and Julian later down the line, either dealing with it or having dealt with it. If you have a request or an opinion let me know.
> 
> It's a little different from most of my fics as I am trying to stay true to Garak as written in the work that inspired this fic, which is different from how I normally portray him


End file.
